HELP!!!
It's not even 10 am and this is what I'm considering doing right this minute because....
My children are fighting all. the. time. And I'm about to pull my hair out. Separation is the only thing that I have found works for them and me. But that includes whining and complaining.
They are not lacking in department of quality time, as I have spent many hours this week doing school, reading, watching a video, playing outside, special treats, and so on.
Frankly, I'm beat and would love to hand my kids over to a babysitter or daycare center for the day.
Okay - that's honest for ya.
Any ideas on what to do with my fighting kids? I've noticed it is mainly due to a certain 5 year old who feels the need to boss his brother around on EVERYTHING. Z-man has decided that the best way to handle this is to either yell, cry, or whine. I have tried scripture and praying about it. And I'm certainly aware that this is a long term teachable moment. But for the love of pete, is there any sort of quick solution that will bring me sanity??????
Can you feel the love? Because I think I'm oozing it right this second? Or NOT!
C'mon Jesus, send relief....send relief.
****Update: It's now 11am and I'm trying to relieve myself with chocolate and a cup of tea. It hasn't worked yet....
Posted in: being real, EJ, Here's the Truth, Z Man on Thursday, March 20, 2008 at at 8:36 AM
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Sometimes it is helpful to really find out what a child is interested in and then providing for that interest. When there are two children they may have different interests and needs. It can be time consuming to provide these spaces for them but it does pay off in the long
run.
My two girls (17mos apart) have completely different lifestyles in the same home. They are the best of friends and I am able to get my life done.
Good luck and keep trying....and know that a babysitter once and awhile is a good thing. Mary
Girl, I know how you feel! Shiloh tries to be Abigail's "daddy" and Abigail just punches him for it. We do seperate them a lot. Everytime, we talk to them about respecing each other & so on & what not. It happens everyday, many times a day, mainly b/c they are each other's sole playmate for now. I have faith that they will catch on one day. It's one of those long processes and I'm not sure if there is a quick resolution.
On a positive note, when they do play together kindly, it's a great thing and they laugh their heads off at each other!
When my kids don't get along I tell them they are not allowed to play together for a certain amount of time (rest of day, all afternoon, etc). They have to go and occupy themselves alone. I even assign them rooms and tell them they can't be in any of the same rooms together.
Ironically, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Another thing I've done is tell them that if they have this much time to fight, then they must need more chores to do. So I load them up with chores for the rest of the day.
No quick solution, but maybe a little temporary relief.
My thought for immediate relief is... take them out. To the library or Chuck E. Cheese (you don't have to buy food there to play there) or to a park (if it's nice out) or to any fun place for kids. If they're in a new environment with fun things to do, they may be interested in different things or just less likely to squabble.
I am not an advice giving kind of person. It sounds like you are doing everything you can. You are a great mom!! I will be praying for you that your day turns around. I so know what you are talking about.
Straight jackets and duct tape. Oh, did I actually type that?! Oops!
We recently experienced something similar with our boys although I think there is a greater difference in age (3 yrs). Basically Jeter got home from school and Barber was so excited to play with his big brother but Jeter just snubbed him acting all high and mighty. That just resulted in hurt feelings and then lots of annoying noise that I had to deal with.
I prayed becuase I cannot figure this out by myself. God is so good - He always shows me what to do.
I had a talk with Jeter about honoring his brother - and emphasized how God had handpicked them to be brothers. I told him he was allowed to have his space when he first got home (snack and homework) but then he had to make time to play with Barber - on Barber's level. I reinforced the importance of this by telling him that if he didn't do this, then we would not read to him at night.
Some would be horrified by this but I know how important that time is to Jeter. He knew we meant business. It has worked. Jeter never lost any reading time. This doesn't mean that the boys are perfect and never argue (I wish) but I have seen a HUGE change in how they treat and respond to one another and my time between 4-6pm has been much more peaceful!
I really feel for you! I definitely think there's a touch of spring fever going around (and it is a full moon, right?) I think there have been some really great ideas mentioned, and you can look at it from a lot of angles:
1. Do what you have to do to get through today - call a do-over and start again with a new activity - something really fun (put on music and dance, find a place they can run around like crazy, etc).
2. Think about what you can put in place in the environment to structure their time and their expectations (visuals and timers work great for us, in addition to providing the necessary sensory input to keep the system regulated).
3. Keep the discussions about how to treat each other going and know that it WILL make a difference in the long run.
You are always an inspiration to me and I'll be praying for you today!
Becky, you are an AMAZING mom. AMAZING!Seriously. And that is dutch honesty.
I don't have any advice - not there yet with my boys, and I think that you received plenty of advice...but know that I am praying for you!