Here's the Truth: Timing is Everything
I'm so thankful for your comments, words of encouragement, love and prayers. My words are not cheerful right this moment. They are, however, real. And I considered not posting the rest of what is going on, because I felt guilty, somehow. Like I may be throwing up on the blogging world. But, I think I am to continue on. I think I am supposed to be honest and share reality. I've already written all the posts and I am going to go ahead and continue posting them.
So, here is more on the truth of life right now.
The one thing that I am not struggling with, is whether or not we "heard" God correctly in moving down here and pursuing bible school. No, I know that we are where we are supposed to be. I believe with everything in me, that we did not make a mistake. We are doing what God told us to do.
My struggle in walking out a life of "faith," is God's timing.
We all struggle with this, I know. And maybe I am fighting with an entitlement problem here. Yes, that is probably it. I feel like we gave up so much for Him, so much. And somewhere along the lines, I thought that by giving up everything He was going to fill us anew and take care of our needs.
But His timing doesn't seem to be in line with mine. Instead I feel as though He is stripping me even more. I feel like He's making me work harder. And I feel as though, He's holding out on us.
Posted in: Here's the Truth on Tuesday, November 06, 2007 at at 3:56 PM
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You know, I just came home from my Beth Moore study and we were talking about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the furnace. She explained that when we go through trials, there are 3 scenarios:
A) We are delivered from the problem - God just makes the thing go away. End result: our faith is built up.
B) We are delivered through the problem - We suffer and struggle through. End result: our faith is refined.
C) We are delivered through the problem into God's arms - We suffer and still God calls us home (as in a disease or something). End result: our faith is perfected.
It sounds to me as if you are being refined. It's hard. It's hot in there in that fire. You aren't where you thought you would be spiritually or emotionally. But resist the temptation to bow down to the idol (still channelling Beth Moore here) of bitterness, anger, disappointment, etc. It's easy to be angry when God doesn't live up to what we thought He would do. But we need to remember that, in His sovereignty, He knows what is going on and He does indeed have a plan.
I'm sorry you are hurting. I wish I could just hug you and tell you everything is going to work out how you had hoped, but I can't. But I can assure you that God has His glory in mind and you are a part of that.
Lori -
That is really good. Really good. I was just mulling everything over in my head and thinking that I was finding myself in a place of bitterness and disappointment. I don't like it. I don't want to be there. I am going to choose not to be there.
Thanks for the encouragement. You are right on.
For me, when I start to go down this road the Holy Spirit has challenged me on my definition of "gain" and "reward". Because my existence currently resides here and now, that is how I have defined gain/reward. In the last year however, in my place and time of sacrifice I hold onto the promise of reward beyond the dimension that we live in now. Not that I do what I do because of what lies ahead (and I know that is not your motive either) but it helps me refocus on the why I am doing it in the first place. (Does that make sense?) It is for Him. Always has been. Always will be. If it wasn't, I wouldn't be doing it.
Hmmm...I needed that reminder too. Thanks!