Here's the Truth: The Choice
Still with me? I think you are. Lori and TCC, you were right on with your comments. Through writing these posts, going back and forth with God, and reading your comments, I am finding strength in Him!
Here is more of what I am walking through...
It's true, I had no idea what we signed up for, when it came to taking this path. I certainly could never have understood where my security lied until I lost it. And losing security is in the end good, as it makes you rely on only what you do have, Him.
And I did have expectations of God. I still do. I haven't fully lost them yet.
But as I struggle so deeply with what we have given up, what we don't have, where I am at with God, not knowing what lies ahead, I have come to a fork in the road. I have come to a place in my mind, of decision.
It's so simple and yet, so hard to do.
Do I want to continue on, believing that somehow He is going to come through that He is going to take care of our needs? Or, do I want to quit and slip into the world, with a luke warm relationship?
I'm stuck. I really am. Because as far as I see it, there is no choice. No choice what so ever.
I have to follow Him. I can not live this life without Hope. I can not live this life without daily Life. I can not live this life without Jesus. I just can't....
Finishing off tomorrow with: Stuck
Posted in: Here's the Truth on Wednesday, November 07, 2007 at at 4:07 PM
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I haven't said much in this series of yours, mostly cuz I'm struggling through some similar issues, with different circumstances. But the heart stuff is the same.
I'm struck over and over in your posts how child-like your love for Jesus is - how desperate you are to have HIM be your All in All. Thank you for that. I'm desirous of that same passion - and that same level of trust and joy in the trusting. I trust that I'm getting there.
I've been praying for you a lot in the past couple days - it's been a great antidote to dwelling instead on my problems. Though we are far apart geographically, I feel so grateful that this medium has allowed us to be kindred spirits in this journey. Being asked to give up our "comfy little CCC lives" :) and move on has looked different for both families, but apparently the actual processes aren't that different. And I never would have known this about you and your life had you not started blogging. Thank you for that!
Big hugs to you across the miles - I'm walking by your side from all those miles away.
You're so right! You don't have a choice. There is no other option but to trust Him. It is so refreshing to hear someone in a hard place DO THE RIGHT THING. I'm sure in your mind you've said "I'm done", but thankfully, in your heart you haven't given up!
A simple "keep you chin up" seems so contrite at this point, but I feel like "keep your eyes up" is something you are already doing! When we are suffering (as Jesus assured us we would) it is so very difficult to see how it can be used for God's glory. Keep trusting, especially on the days the enemy tells you it's hopeless. He's a liar.
And, remember, you are loved!
Does it help to know that all kinds of other people go through the same things and same questions and thoughts about God? I think the Psalms help here, we hear their words of struggle and know that it is alright to struggle with the same things.