The Decision to Homeschool, part 2
Feeling fairly confident that this was the path that we were to be on, with education, I began to do what any new homeschooler does, educate myself.
I started with reading up on things. First, I familiarized myself with the states regulations on homeschooling. The good news is that I have about 2 years until I need to start reporting to them. This means I should have a better idea of what I am doing by the time that I need to answer to an "official."
Second, I read the book, The First Year of Homeschooling Your Child, by Linda Dobson. This was a good book for me, because it helped me to look outside of the educational box. It also showed me that every homeschooling mama out there has good and bad days, weeks, months, and years. But the kids still learn and can go on to college.
What I didn't expect in all of my research was the big case of, "I'm not so sure I really want to do this," sickness to come on. It started with feeling weary as a mom. Then it turned into, thinking that the majority of the population out there sends their kids to school by this time of life. Moms get a break! And I am signing up, to not have that break. Good grief....
My oldest son is an amazing child. He is smart, really smart. He loves to learn, loves to ask questions, loves to talk, and loves to be moving. He is 5 and he hasn't gotten the reserve of a 30 year old down yet. I don't understand why! LOL. But, he has also been my child that has pushed so many of my buttons at once, that I have called his daddy at work and begged him to come home. He's my child that literally had behavioral therapy at age 2, because he was already pented up with frustration.
Being a mom to him has been good but much harder then I had ever thought it was going to be. And now, I am choosing to homeschool him??? Am I nuts?
As if questioning the direction of God, wasn't bad enough. Then I started getting questions from those friends and family who weren't so sure of our decisions. And through the course of their questions, I started to doubt our decision even more.
I mean, we are talking about kindergarten here, right? Shouldn't I be leaving that sort of education to those who were trained for this? Am I really qualified to teach my son?
This sent me into a talespin when looking at curriculums. Have you seen the amount of curriculums out there? I am not joking it is overwhelming. And now, I felt I needed to prove to family and friends, that I CAN teach my child and he will get the best education out there, no matter what it costs! So, perhaps I should consider the most expensive boring curriculum out there....
I am just being honest here. It's ugly, I know.
So, here I am a heap on the floor, struggling with myself, my expectations, my time, proving myself to others, me, me, me.
Enter God...
I've never heard the audible voice of God. At least not yet. But I did hear Him recently through a gentle rebuke from a close friend. Her words to me, were "Fire, all I hear is , I, I, I. What about EJ and what's right for him? What about him?"
Well that pulled me out of it, quickly. The pang of conviction was strong in my heart. I realized where I was doubting God and overlooking my son. And almost as soon as I began to repent, I felt as though the knot of anxiety in my body, began to wither away slowly.
Curriculums became much easier to decide on, because I prayed and because I began to look at them through what was right for my EJ, not everyone else, including me. And confidence began to rise up in me. I am choosing what God wants me to do and what I believe is right for my child. This is good.
God, being God, has slowly been renewing the joy of motherhood (and as a wife too!). This homeschooling thing, is the right path. I know it!
Up next... goals for the year and what I am excited about this school year!
Posted in: being real, homeschool on Wednesday, August 08, 2007 at at 9:17 PM
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You have a very wise friend. Thanks for sharing your struggles.
That's awesome, to read the path the led you to this decision. It is an awesome responsibility, but it is also an awesome privilege.
When I'm feeling overwhelmed and stressed about my ability to handle the coming year I do two things: first, I cut myself some slack and say "Hey, it's just Kindergarten, I'm not training for the astronaut program. He'll GET it!" And second, I remind myself that I can change my mind over Christmas break if I need to.
Those two "outs" give me permission to "freak out" a little bit, but reign me in from letting it overwhelm and destroy me.
Praying for you and CJ - that you continue to hear God's voice for EJ AND for you - what's best for him is very important, but it's also important to seek Him for what's best for the whole family. He's ALWAYS faithful to lead and to guide and you are postured to hear. That's a winning combination :)