A New Year, Part 2
Continuing on, with what I learned in the year, 2007.
2. I was born to be a mom.
I finally, can actually say that and know it. When I was a child, I remember saying I never wanted to be a mom. And then as a teen, I struggled watching my family fall apart and thought, why would I ever bring a child into this world. But my heart changed and grew, when I fell in love with my husband. It exploded when I found my Savior. I desperately wanted to have children.
I have struggled so much over the past 5 years, frustrated with myself, not knowing how to be a the right mom to my children. I was insecure, selfish, but totally in love with my children. During the middle of this year, I kept crying out to God, "please restore the joy of motherhood, to me, please!"
And He did. He revealed my heart and showed me who I was over and over and over again. He put me in charge of a childrens ministry, told me to homeschool my children, made me cry out for neighborhood friends for my children, and then constantly reminded me of my strengths and weaknesses.
I love my boys so much. After this year, I have realized just how much they are my first "mission" in life. They are the ones I am to pour into. If I don't fulfill this mission, then it will alter the generations to come.
I was born to be a mom!
3. I HAVE to have Jesus in my life.
My mind and the enemy played tricks on me this year. Heaviness set in, questions swirled in my head, and small but consistent hardships came at us regularly. Our year even ended with a family crisis and a paradigm shift of understanding things from the past.
But one thing is for sure, every single issue that has come up or pummeled us has made me look at Christ in a new way. Let's be honest here. It started out with, do I really, really want to continue on making my life's passion to be Jesus? Then it morphed into, I have to follow Him, but I'm not liking it too much.
Now, I am at point where I am beginning to see that there is only one pure form of LOVE in this world. Only one. And I don't understand even 50% of who our God is. But, I can not walk through this life, without Him. I need His love, His hope, His comfort, His worship, His passion for me.
I HAVE to have Jesus in my life.
So, I've started 2008 with good perspective. I am more confident in myself, more creative, happier as a mother, and totally set on following my Savior. I'm excited for this year and what God has in store for us.
Posted in: on Saturday, January 05, 2008 at at 3:03 PM
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I think it is amazing that you are able to write about these personal lessons you are learning.
You posts are an encouragement to me. I greatly appreciate how real you are. I like real people. God likes real people too. You are an awesome woman of God!!!
Fire, I just love how real you are and how passionate you are to be open to the leading of the Lord in all areas. I often read your posts and think to myself, "huh, I never would have thought to bring that to the Lord," - you are soooooo encouraging to me! This two part series was good, really good... Thanks for sharing your heart!