Since I was a little girl, I have loved to read and to write. I could devour a book in one sitting. I always read above my age level. Reading, inspired my love to write. I can remember being in elementary school and taking extra time to make sure that each of my letters were written beautifully. I still have my diaries that I kept as a young child.
Writing has been past down from generation to generation. My grandmother was a librarian and actually wrote books of her own. My mom has done a different form of writing. She is crafty with a word and has written for organizations encouraging the state to give grants to them. I wrote in high school for our newspaper, was an editor and even wrote for the local newspaper in our small town. My original intent in life was to be a journalist.
I love to ask questions. I love to search peoples faces and see into their hearts. There is nothing like listening deeper and asking the questions that help pursue a deeper understanding.
So, where is this going, you ask??? Well, of course, why I blog! But more importantly why haven't I been blogging for almost a month now?
What I am about to say, is only for me. This does not apply to any other blogger out there. I am not trying to get an underline message here. I am not judging anyone. I am simply telling you, what I am learning....
Awhile back, God told me to fast from blogging for a week. I did it but struggled. I missed getting on and writing. I missed looking at other blogs. When the week was over, I felt as though God had showed me that I had been spending way too much time on the computer and not enough time with Him. He showed me that I needed to cut back in all the reading and browsing around and start spending more time in His word, in His book.
And then, I started really reading His word. I mean chapter after chapter. It was definetly fulfilling. So now, I wasn't being drawn into the hours of reading blogs anymore. But I was still writing my posts. And checking them a couple times a day, just in case someone would comment.
Well, quickly I became convicted again. I felt as though I was supposed to stop again. But I didn't know why. I just knew if I got on and wrote I was going against Him.
One day, I was talking to Thrills on the phone and she said to me, "what's up, why aren't you blogging anymore." I was frustrated and I confessed that God had told me not to and that the only explanation that I got was..... "it's been more for my kingdom, then His Kingdom." Still, I didn't fully get it when I was talking to her.
I got off the phone and picked up my bible, reading where I had left off. John 12:43, "for they loved praise from men more then praise from God."
Have you ever felt the Holy Spirit gently sock you in the gut, when you receive revelation out of His word? Well, I got it square in the chest. I realized how much I had been enjoying all the comments, praises, etc from those fellow friends and bloggers out there. I was feeling built up by those comments and not by my Daddy.
I repented quickly. Feeling His forgiveness, I submitted my self worth to Him. Asking that I would receive His praises and enjoy them deeply.
Today, I felt as though it was okay to go ahead and blog. And while I really love the feedback from everyone, I am turning my comments off. I am learning about receiving His praise, which is part of love, right? This is just part of learning about His love, true love for me!
Posted in: on Monday, October 09, 2006 at at 12:39 PM