I know that this subject has been written about countless times. And there are tons of books out there, so if you are reading this blog for something new and informative, you may be a bit disappointed. This is another one of my I need to get it out of my head and onto some paper, blogs.
My dad upset me recently. He doesn't even know that he did. And it is okay, because I need to forgive him and get through it on my end. It would only cause more damage if I said something to him.
But while I was venting today, something came out of my mouth that made me even stop and think. I said, "it is so important for women to feel loved. And the way that my dad acted the other night, did not show a fathers love for his daughter." After saying that I felt that deep knot in your throat that is a warning to the tears that follow. I swallowed hard and kept on so that I wouldn't cry.
Why is it that in my deep quest for knowing the Lord better, do I still need to find my love through my dad or my husband? Why am I not satisfied with Him, only?
I've thought about this before. Sometimes I wish that God was in person, so that He could hold me or hug me whenever I needed it. Sometimes, I wish that I could audibly hear His voice, like He was sitting in front of me. Sometimes, I wish He was the One who was wiping away my tears, when I was disappointed or hurt.
My friends and I have talked about this before. The question was how do you see God? My one girlfriend sees Him like a Daddy. He brings her comfort and peace. But I see Him like an instructor, a teacher. Someone who has a never ending supply of adventure, knowledge, new things to learn, etc. God is thrilling to me. He is fun and exciting.
And I do receive comfort from Him. Just not at the deepest level, the kind of love that a Father has for His precious daughter. The kind that would never say or do something to hurt me. The kind that just looks at me and is so proud of me.
I am dying to know that kind of love. The deepest parts of me are crying out to Him begging to feel more then what I do now, begging to be satisfied finally. I know that He too, wants to give that to me.
So, here is a question for all you bloggers out there.... How do you feel loved by God? What does it look or feel like for you?
Posted in: on Thursday, August 10, 2006 at at 10:22 PM