A Living Sacrifice
We've only been in our new surroundings for four days, so bear with my emotional rollercoaster. However, I find that my blog is sort of a journal. I write to get my thoughts out so that I can understand them myself.
Tonight we went to our new church for the first "real" time. We have been there before as visitors. But tonight we walked in as decision makers, this is where we will be for a long while.
I like the church. It is fiery and radical and young. There is much to learn and it is obvious that the Holy Spirit is there. Worship was inviting and the childrens rooms were adequate for our kids. It's definitely not our old church. And since we only left our old church because of moving to a new state, I still have strong ties with them. Still, I like it. It is going to be challenging and fun for us.
As we were worshipping tonight, tears began rolling down my face again. I am still working through my feelings of our move.
Before, I go on, I think I must tell you how I really feel about our move. I wanted this, with everything I had inside of me. I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is where we are to be. And, as God as my witness, I am very happy to be here.
My only "home sickness" still has to do with my friends. We have already had several opportunities to meet people. It has been fun to watch my husband because he is all about seizing the moment. He is talking with people, getting to know them and enjoying what he is finding.
I, on the other hand, feel a little bit like, "I don't want to make new friends, right now." Boy, that is pretty spoiled isn't it? And why would I deny new friends, a blessing straight from God?
Well, I am feeling two ways right now. The first is my friends are still my friends, just eight hours away. The second, I feel like I am betraying them. Somehow I feel as though I might be replacing them or finding friends that were like my friends back home.
Now, I know the truth, I realize that I am not replacing them. And I get the fact that I will probably want friends in North Carolina too. But somehow, I just don't feel ready yet.
At church tonight, the message was about true worship. The pastor talked about how sacrifice was a way of truly worshipping our God. He gave many stories from the bible to prove it. But he focused on Abraham and Isaac. He explained how Abraham was about to sacrifice his gift from the Lord, his son, Isaac. He went without complaint, without a whine. He was about to take the life of his only son as a way to worship his true love, our God.
The big sacrifice for me in this move, is giving up my friends from home. I am not ready to jump into deep friendships right now. I just want to receive from the Lord. He is the only One who can take care of my heart. And I need Him desperately to be my Friend right now. I need Him to be my Best Friend, to satisfy me.
Posted in: on Sunday, August 20, 2006 at at 9:04 PM
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i remember --- just how you are feeling!!! several times, especially our move to NC, because i had a 4 month old and was exhausted on top of moving to a BRAND new state far away from what i'd know and become close to in 5 years! however, here i sit 5 years from that point and LOVE my new home, my friends, my church, my church family and am glad i ventured beyond the thinking that i was replacing people. i simply added --- i still keep in touch with all my TN, WV, and MD friends...though some have drifted, but my closest I talk to most every other day or so (thank God for cell phones, email and blogs). this too shall pass.... :)
hang in there....
(((hugs))) and continued prayers....
Oh, On Fire, I feel your pain and I hurt for you. I'm only a few steps ahead of you and I can't say that I am through it. Grieve as long as you need. It won't get in the way of God's plans for you or even delay them.
Through my experience I have grown tremendously through the acts of faith of have taken. Consequently, I'm not the same person. Although I would never want to go back to that old person, I will say that it makes the relationships I had when I was that "old person" harder now. I grieve that. I wish things could be the way they were as I had fun, deep, meaningful relationships. But no matter how hard I try (even returning to my former situation), it wouldn't be the same because I'm not the same. So I am not grieving the loss of the person so much because I can always find a way to converse with her (them), I'm grieving the loss of the relationships because I know it can't be what they once were and I am uncertain of what those relationships will be, if anything, in the future.
I'm certain that in doing what you have done, you have grown tremendously too. You are an amazing and brave woman who loves the Lord and trusts Him with your life and your family's lives. Unlike many who say they love and trust God, you had an opportunity to demonstate it and act on it and you did not hold back in doing so. That, my sister, makes you different and consequently everything else may become different. BUT......better!
So grieve and don't pressure yourself to make friends or keep the old ones going. Just rest in God. He got you this far, let Him take care of the relationships, new and old.
love you!
a bcm
Sending prayers from PA. I pray for peace for you and your family. I pray that you feel comfort in Him and in one another. I am so glad you shared your blog with me, it fills me with such joy to see God working so strongly in a Real-Live people that I know! Know that you have touched my life (and undoubtably so so so many others) by heeding His call. I look forward to continuing to follow your journey...
AE from 36
I know it will all turn out okay. I think good friendships are hard to find. Saying, I don't have any besides my husband. I can't bring myself to open up and find one. Not that I don't want one. I do. I really do, but there is a block. Maybe when we settle in a home church ourselves. I really need that.
You are another woman out there that has really encouraged me and inspired me. I love hearing about your journey. Your energy and your joy for CHRIST is contagious. I love your spirit! You bless me!
Dee - You are such a sweetheart! Thanks for identifying, for understanding and for encouraging me! I really appreciated it.
A BCM - For the life of me, I can not figure out your intials. I think i know who you are but your intials are not BCM. You do get me and understand my heart. And I am pretty sure that we have a long history together!
AE from 36- GIRL! How fun to hear from you! I was so excited to see your comments! Hope all is well!
Paula - Sounds to me like God has something deeper right now. Hang in there and check out His word.
Amanda - You are a sweetheart! Love reading your posts. I know that you desire such radical love from the Lord and for the Lord. You can tell!
Just wanted to let you know that I am so excited to see how faithful our Father is in providing for His children - meeting their needs and blessing beyond. You are in our daily thoughts and prayers and we will continue to uphold you. Excited to hear (read) about the journey you are on.
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