We've only been in our new surroundings for four days, so bear with my emotional rollercoaster. However, I find that my blog is sort of a journal. I write to get my thoughts out so that I can understand them myself.
Tonight we went to our new church for the first "real" time. We have been there before as visitors. But tonight we walked in as decision makers, this is where we will be for a long while.
I like the church. It is fiery and radical and young. There is much to learn and it is obvious that the Holy Spirit is there. Worship was inviting and the childrens rooms were adequate for our kids. It's definitely not our old church. And since we only left our old church because of moving to a new state, I still have strong ties with them. Still, I like it. It is going to be challenging and fun for us.
As we were worshipping tonight, tears began rolling down my face again. I am still working through my feelings of our move.
Before, I go on, I think I must tell you how I really feel about our move. I wanted this, with everything I had inside of me. I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is where we are to be. And, as God as my witness, I am very happy to be here.
My only "home sickness" still has to do with my friends. We have already had several opportunities to meet people. It has been fun to watch my husband because he is all about seizing the moment. He is talking with people, getting to know them and enjoying what he is finding.
I, on the other hand, feel a little bit like, "I don't want to make new friends, right now." Boy, that is pretty spoiled isn't it? And why would I deny new friends, a blessing straight from God?
Well, I am feeling two ways right now. The first is my friends are still my friends, just eight hours away. The second, I feel like I am betraying them. Somehow I feel as though I might be replacing them or finding friends that were like my friends back home.
Now, I know the truth, I realize that I am not replacing them. And I get the fact that I will probably want friends in North Carolina too. But somehow, I just don't feel ready yet.
At church tonight, the message was about true worship. The pastor talked about how sacrifice was a way of truly worshipping our God. He gave many stories from the bible to prove it. But he focused on Abraham and Isaac. He explained how Abraham was about to sacrifice his gift from the Lord, his son, Isaac. He went without complaint, without a whine. He was about to take the life of his only son as a way to worship his true love, our God.
The big sacrifice for me in this move, is giving up my friends from home. I am not ready to jump into deep friendships right now. I just want to receive from the Lord. He is the only One who can take care of my heart. And I need Him desperately to be my Friend right now. I need Him to be my Best Friend, to satisfy me.
Posted in: on Sunday, August 20, 2006 at at 9:04 PM