It's Sunday, a sweet day of rest. After this past week, we need a warm home with quiet rest in it. This week we battled the "scary" swine flu (which is just the flu), worked on daily life as much as possible, and then did the big race parking for the church yesterday. By the time we came home last night, we were wind burnt and thoroughly exhausted.
Today is a day to rest and bum around our home, enjoying what God has given us. So, I have warm beef vegetable soup in the crock pot, yummy rolls to be baked, and nine pounds of apples that went into applesauce and a pie. Yum.... Worship music is parading behind us in whatever room we are in. The kids and daddy worked on a fun little project together. Our house is warm and delicious right now.
So, here is how it works in my life, I stop writing when things are really tough in my heart. I just can't bring myself to sit down and write what is actually going on and allow the whole world to actually read it.
Now, don't get me wrong, in no way am I trying to paint a glorious picture of our lives each time I write. But explaining that, on almost a daily basis we are barraged with more and more hard things and that days, weeks, and months go by where I just can't, I can't talk about it, well it seems impossible to me.
Sometimes, I cry it out. Two weeks ago, that is exactly what I did. I cried it out for a good twenty four hours. Other times, I push myself to just deal with what I can control, home, kids, whatever and I work at it with everything I've got. Then at about 2 am in the middle of the night, I lay there wide awake mulling through my heart and head, trying to understand my life at that moment.
Most days, I have hope. The only thing that keeps me tied to Jesus. I have hope in Him. I have hope that no matter how big the battles in my heart are, He's bigger. I have hope that His word is true and He will be victorious in the end. I have hope that He does care and does hear all that I say to Him and that He really is going to come through for us.
I have hope.
And when it's hope that overcomes the rest of me, my days are sweet and full of joy. A couple of years ago, I asked the Lord to teach me to enjoy this journey of life. When Hope is what is driving me, then I look at my life .... like today, and I enjoy it, no matter what my circumstances are.
Posted in: on Sunday, October 18, 2009 at at 3:56 PM