Ahh. A moment to myself. I just sat down, with a cup of mocha coffee and read several blogs. Now, I have I Sleep, by Misty Edwards on. I'm a little melancoly, right now.
And I just had a good cry.
It started because of watching a Tribute to Lurdes on Accidental Blogs site. I had been keeping up on Lurdes through the missionaries website (her brother and sil had been part of our old church for a time.) It was quite a surprise when she had passed away. I hadn't checked the website for some time now and was unaware of the tribute. It was so good to find it today. Anyways...
It felt good to cry. I am struggling with crying these days. There are many times that I walk around with a lump in my throat. Once in awhile my voice will crack and I will feel it welling up.
Then instinctively, I will swallow it down and push on.
The problem is, I want to cry. I want to get that pent up emotion inside out. I want to let go a little more often. Outside of myself, I desire to be deeply moved with compassion too, more then I have now.
It's all in me. Every once in awhile it comes out.
It's wierd. But I feel as though there is this invisible wall inside of me that is preventing me from letting go.
**Note: I really am fine. I am not walking around with the lump in my throat because I am unhappy. It's more from normal situations, things I am working through in my head, desiring for deeper compassion for others.... that sort of stuff!