For some years now I have been fighting with what I would like to call, The Repeat Offender. This is someone that repeatedly offends and hurts me, many times without even knowing it.
For many reasons, I am not going to go into details. But lets just say this, no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to walk away from such offenders.
I have worked through levels of forgiveness. Beginning with deep emotional forgiveness. Then transitioning into renewing my mind that every time I would deal with a hurt, I would even say, I forgive, I forgive....
And while much work has been done and accomplished I am no where near the point of total forgiveness.
This is why I know.... Everytime a new hurt comes along, it affects me deeply. In my head, I wrestle with, "they always do this..." or "this isn't new, they just don't care about me" or, this one is even uglier, "I should have seen this one coming..."
I have begged the Lord to be at a place of freedom in this, to be at a point of total forgiveness. And yet, here I stand still hurt and tired.
In one of my "discussions" with the Lord recently, I was reminded of how it says in 1 Corinthians 13, the Love chapter, about how "love keeps no record of wrongdoings" as well as "it always hopes, always perseveres."
Then I felt like the Lord gave me a vision of a plate full of mash potatoes. Another scoop of the white creamy stuff was added and of course the plate felt heavier. Then He showed me a clean plate. A scoop of potatoes was added to it and the the plate was not rocked. It was not heavy and it did not feel overwhelmed.
Even as I write this I am reminded that white, the color of mashed potatoes, means purity.
For me it is time to look my "Repeat Offenders" in the eye and forgive the lists of hurts, past and present. I need to have my heart and mind renewed even further so that I can walk in hope and perseverance in my relationship with them.