Repeat Offender
For some years now I have been fighting with what I would like to call, The Repeat Offender. This is someone that repeatedly offends and hurts me, many times without even knowing it.
For many reasons, I am not going to go into details. But lets just say this, no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to walk away from such offenders.
I have worked through levels of forgiveness. Beginning with deep emotional forgiveness. Then transitioning into renewing my mind that every time I would deal with a hurt, I would even say, I forgive, I forgive....
And while much work has been done and accomplished I am no where near the point of total forgiveness.
This is why I know.... Everytime a new hurt comes along, it affects me deeply. In my head, I wrestle with, "they always do this..." or "this isn't new, they just don't care about me" or, this one is even uglier, "I should have seen this one coming..."
I have begged the Lord to be at a place of freedom in this, to be at a point of total forgiveness. And yet, here I stand still hurt and tired.
In one of my "discussions" with the Lord recently, I was reminded of how it says in 1 Corinthians 13, the Love chapter, about how "love keeps no record of wrongdoings" as well as "it always hopes, always perseveres."
Then I felt like the Lord gave me a vision of a plate full of mash potatoes. Another scoop of the white creamy stuff was added and of course the plate felt heavier. Then He showed me a clean plate. A scoop of potatoes was added to it and the the plate was not rocked. It was not heavy and it did not feel overwhelmed.
Even as I write this I am reminded that white, the color of mashed potatoes, means purity.
For me it is time to look my "Repeat Offenders" in the eye and forgive the lists of hurts, past and present. I need to have my heart and mind renewed even further so that I can walk in hope and perseverance in my relationship with them.
Posted in: repeat offenders on Thursday, April 19, 2007 at at 2:42 PM
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That's definately rough. I myself have some forgiving that is still hard to give. To think of how easily God can forgive us, and then love us is crazy to me. I hope that the forgiveness will eventually come for you, but it will take some time for sure.
Forgiveness. I have had so many different levels of forgiveness for myself and in forgiving others.
The casual- in the end it is really not an issue
The that was inappropriate- offended but you get over it
The that changed my world- hard and hurtful
The unrepentive- they don't care they hurt you and really don't care if you forgive them
The forgiving of self- stupid stupid choices I have made
Although I don't think I have any true repeat offenders. So I can not say I know how this feels. I am sure it sucks and that it hurts.
Hugs!
Really good girl! It took a lot of work to get as far as you did with this. I'm really proud of you! Keep holding His hand. The next moments of your life will be really tough as you dig up all of the stuff you stuffed so far down. But whoa! The freedom that is going to come WILL change your life!
I'm giddy with excitement for you!
I can definately relate to this "repeat offender" post. I have experienced this too. Years and years of recurring hurts and wounds. And years of choosing forgiveness, and struggling with it - wanting to get to total forgiveness. And years of praying for God to change the dynamics. Not an easy thing. I pray for you that God will give you absolute clarity regarding the issues. That He will give you understanding and wisdom. And that this understanding (from Him) will bring to bear a supernatural forgiveness. An empowerment to forgive like He does. But more than that, I pray for a freedom from future wrongs. That no matter what the repeat offender does, you know you are secure in God and so deeply loved by Him, that it just doesn't have the same hurtful impact on your heart like it once did. Grant it Lord!
Praying for you!
The revelation that has enabled me to forgive more easily is this: my offense to Him is far greater than what anyone could ever do to me. That and the healthy fear of knowing that if I choose to not forgive then I am not forgiven by Him.
This doesn't mean it is easy...it just helps me to pursue forgiveness more fervently - which is what I see in your writing. You ARE in pursuit of it and the freedom it brings!
I am excited for you!
What a beautiful post. I ache for you, as I have been (and am working through) some very similar issues with my own repeat offender. Forgiveness of this person is not for him, it's for me. It's for me and my relationship with my God, with my hubby, with my kids. My RO is the unrepentant variety and I have recently come to a revelation that I must choose to act in a forgiving manner, even now when I'm not feeling those forgiving emotions. That it is a family member makes it harder, that it is now the 3rd or 4th time the same issue has come up makes it harder, that he is a strong and righteous man makes it harder still. But BY THE GRACE of a loving Father and a tender sweet loyal husband, I'm choosing to act on forgiveness. And I'm choosing to trust that the feelings will follow.
Thank you for this tender and honest revelation of your journey. It is so helpful to hear others' hearts over this particular area. I'm praying for us both - to act on what we know is right and to reap the FATHER's reward for our obedience!
Love Ya!
I totally relate as well. I always enjoy when you post things like this, from your heart. Thanks for sharing and giving me some things to think about.