CJ left for Canada yesterday. He will be gone for a week, traveling between Montreal and Toronto. He is with one of the teachers from school, who is speaking at two conferences. CJ will be ministering to the congregations and then maybe doing some street evangelism. Oh, my little heart desires so badly to be up there with him, witnessing and praying with others.
Sometimes it is hard for me to stay focused and not look at the "other side" thinking it just may be greener. Over and over again, I have been realizing that my first "calling" has to do with two little boys who are taking nap and quiet time right now. Oh do I love them. I wouldn't give this time of my life up for anything, anything at all. They are my boys, my little guys who bring such joy to my heart.
I love teaching them and spending time with them. Watching their little faces light up when we do lesson time or a craft. Or taking a walk and singing "Angels watching over me," together just melts me.
There are times that I struggle though. I struggle with my own self and my own desires. I am constantly trying to re focus and give up more of my needs to be a better mommy. I really am annoyed with myself when I realize I just got upset with the kids because I was in the midst of taking care of one of my non essential needs. You know what they are... um, blogging, maybe? Or how about catching up on email? Maybe just enjoying a bit of quietness. Regardless, there are too many times in my days that I find myself fighting for ME time.
Yesterday when CJ was getting ready to leave, I had this overwhelming feeling of "don't leave me, I am tired and what I am going to do with the kids for a full week without you? I don't know anyone here. All my real friends live 8 hours away. I don't think I have the strength to be by myself.... yada yada yada." Keeping my mouth shut and my thoughts to myself, I went into the other room (by other room, I mean bathroom, lol!) and picked up my daily devotional.
The topic??? Stir up the Power.... The devotional referenced 2 Timothy 1: 6-7, "I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you.... For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
So, here is the deal, not everyday do I get out of bed and think, "oh goody, I get to be mom again today! I just can't wait to take care of poopy diapers, snotty noses, 4 year old attitudes, or 2 year old tantrums." And when faced with a week long, no respite from my husband, time, part of me just cringes at what I may be like when he returns.
But this scripture and God's gentle reminder gave me strength. My first calling in life, right now, is to be mom. It is to take care of my little gifts, with the power that God has given me, through love and with a sound mind. I do have all that I need from Him to accomplish my own ministry this week, my children!
*Do be praying for me though!
Posted in: on Saturday, November 25, 2006 at at 3:03 PM