I was reading MomTeacherFriend's post called Changed, this evening. She wrote about how her life has been changed since she came to know the Lord. At the end of her post she asked, "how was your life changed?"
A comment on her blog would have been way too long, so I decided that perhaps this would be a good post.
I came to know the Lord in January of 2000. I was married for about a year and a half to my high school sweetheart. We both had come from divorced homes and had felt the effects of it. So when entering the marriage, I had promised him (my husband) that he would literally have to kill me in order to have another wife! Except we were unhappy, really unhappy. We couldn't figure out how to handle each other. We both had strong personalities and even stronger opinions. We were struggling.
So when we had the opportunity to go to a young marrieds small group, we jumped at it. And from there we stepped into church. At church we felt the conviction and sooner then later, we knew that we had to have God if we wanted to get any further in life.
Who was I before the Lord? Well, this is the truth..... I was searching desperately to find love, someone to love me, the real me. I was smart and bold and angry. I had some friends but no one who ever went deep. I drank to get drunk. And I looked forward to partying. I smoked when I drank. I flirted with other men, even though I was married. I was still very sore from my teen years and I couldn't get myself over the loss of my parents marriage (I was 16 when they split up). I was angry with my parents. And I was depressed. VERY depressed. I thought and contemplated suicide several times over the years before I found Him.
The last hope, in my mind, to some sort of purpose in my life was God. If He didn't work out, I was in big trouble, as was my marriage.
I needed Him.... I desperately needed Him.
7 years later, I am a NEW woman. I am so completely different from who I was then, that sometimes I think that I am unrecognizable. Yes, I am still strong willed, BUT I am stubborn for our LORD. Yes, I still drink.... BUT from the Holy Spirit! I love the Lord and am truly thankful for Him.
My marriage is in a MUCH better place. We both are chasing after Him with everything we've got - seriously. We still have our ups and downs, BUT God is with us and He helps us through those valleys.
I am so much more confident in who I am. I have PURPOSE in this life. I have a reason to live, Jesus. I like myself now. I like how God has changed me and how He keeps changing me.
And that has been my prayer for years, "Lord, change me. Make me more like you."
The reason why I am "on fire for Him," is because I know He is on fire for me. There is something inside of me, that knows without a shadow of a doubt that He has me in the palm of His hand and that He is pleased to call me His daughter.
When you find your Daddy and you know that He is in love with you, then what is there to be afraid of? And wouldn't you change for Him? I mean isn't that where the theory that we women go with, "if I change some more, maybe he (the boyfriend, husband, etc) will love me" comes from? Seriously think about it... why do we focus on changing for men, when it is really changing for our Father? (that could be another post!)
Regardless, these days, I am excited for my life. No matter how bad it gets, I still feel like I have a point and purpose. I am confident. I am more of a women. I am creative and fun and happy. I have figured out who I am - a lover of the Lord. I am On Fire For Him!!!
So, how about you? How have you changed?
*** Thanks MomTeacherFriend, this was a good question!
Posted in: on Wednesday, August 30, 2006 at at 8:36 PM